“Love isn’t enough in a world like this“
When speaking about the importance of marriage for BW, we must talk about hyp*rgamy. The reason I have put an asterisk in the word is because it is a word that should never be used publicly by BW even though it is so important to carry out.
I support those who forgo marriage because they have no interest in having children. Marriage is not for every woman but for the rest of us who desire children/commitment, I want to take this time to explain to you the importance of marriage. One of the biggest banes in our tribe as Black Women is having children with men who have not made us wives (at the wrong time, with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons).
Anyone who is an avid reader of my posts will know my views on relationships: having no racial preference, putting no race of man on a pedestal and engaging with whoever can enhance your life but almost as an outsider (since I don’t have a preference for Black Men), I can take the emotions out and see things that some Black Women won’t admit to themselves. A lot of people would think that we’ve been through a shared struggle/ history (as Black Men and Black Women) so we should have the strongest relationship but clearly that’s not the case.
In this post, I will be talking about Interracial Relationships from a Black female perspective in terms of why they exist, what to look out for etc. This is just my opinion and almost like a stream of consciousness about a topic I find interesting as I assume I will end up in one. Remember that what I’ve concluded is not set in stone. I also want to explain the word “dynamics” which I have used a lot on some of my older platforms.
WATCH VIDEO VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE: HERE
The basis of desirability and why it’s called into question in regards to Black Women usually revolves around us being darker-skinned, our hair, our features and nowadays our personalities/femininity or lack thereof (which is somehow based on race).
I do believe the latter two are cover ups for what is really going on because it’s something no one can measure. If I randomly say “I don’t date Latino men because they have bad personalities”, no one can question me because we can’t measure personality. Stereotypes can be real or imaged but there’s a reason less men want to explore whether they are real or not when it comes to Black Women. All women are capable of having negative traits or being unattractive but this is overlooked when it comes to other races. No one seems to point out the flaws of other women and when they are unattractive, they are rarely attached with that label or just become invisible. At it’s core I think the reason for this is that amongst all men (black included) Black Women don’t behave/interact with them how they would like us to which is rooted in insecurity.
^ I am aware that in this interview Lil Wayne was referring to the BLM movement which is quite funny because many Black Men seem to have “divested” way before Black Women coined the term but I recall Wayne talking about a Black cop stepping over him when he shot himself at 12 but a White cop stopped to save his life and as much as Wayne is problematic due to being a colorist, it reminded me of my conclusion in “Why I Don’t Pedestalize Black Men or ANY Race of Man” about not putting whole groups of people on a pedestal when they’ve done nothing to enhance your life….
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. In my last post “They Don’t Want You to Have Self-Esteem”, I talk about the lengths people have gone to strip Black Women of their self-esteem and I talk about building confidence as a form of armour. The act of not caring about what others think is very important as Black Women and I’ve personally had a long journey with trying not to care about what others think of me and I’d like to share what I found during my own journey.
[Read to the end for insight into what Meghan Markle’s experience means for Black Women.]
I thought that this would be the perfect time to share my views about Meghan Markle since I saw her on the cover of my newspaper yesterday. It’s clear that many people but specifically White people have an issue with Meghan Markle. Not all but many. It has been all over the news, social media, etc. and the usual response to the disrespect she has faced is “it’s racism!”; this idea that some people just don’t like Black people and the fact that this Biracial woman is in the Royal Family is an issue.
I regularly talk about the phenomena of making Black Women feel less about themselves.
