Why Does Misogynoir Exist? | Explaining The Hate Black Women Get

Misogynoir is a term coined by the scholar Moya Bailey which means, misogyny that is directed towards Black Women where race and gender both play a role in the bias. She created the term in 2010 to address the misogyny directed towards Black Women in American visual and popular culture. I think as Black Women we can see how certain celebrities whether it be Lizzo, Nicki Minaj or Megan Thee Stallion are treated and since these women are accessible Black Women, when they are attacked it oftentimes shows a hidden contempt for the everyday Black Woman.

I don’t believe whatsoever that everyone hates Black Women. In some spaces, I feel like I’ve actually been embraced more for being a Black Woman and I remember a woman once saying that it is a big mistake to have Black Women sleeping at night thinking everyone hates them but I’ve come across many Black Women, particularly young girls who ask questions like “Why are we so attacked?” or “No other race is treated this way?” and so I want to explain why Black Women sometimes experience hatred socially from other groups (Black Men, Non-Black Men & Non-Black Women) which I believe is at a higher rate than any other group and part of this is because we matter more in society, have a greater influence on how others feel about themselves and don’t behave how the masses want us to. I want to emphasise socially because this is about how people engage with us as Black Women online and in real life in the current day. This is not about slavery or the history of Black Women but about the current society we live in.

Why It Exists?

General Misogyny and Stereotypes.

Firstly, Misogynoir exists because of general misogyny and stereotypes. We are women and men, in general, have always had issues with women and that’s why they’ve gone to such great lengths to control us. You see in this social media era, the growth of MGTOW/ Incels and many other groups that are hateful towards women. They have grown because in the current day, unlike the past, a man is not guaranteed a woman, especially a man living in the West which creates a lot of resentment towards women. When we look at general misogyny, what do men hate about women? If you’ve ever read a misogynistic forum, you will see that they hate strong/ independent women and single mothers. A lot of the “I don’t need a man” narrative was pushed by Western Black Women and I believe not out of choice, but oftentimes due to not being able to rely on their men and having to make lemonade out of lemons. Misogynistic men hate independent confident women and if you look at our public image, it’s very strong and “boss b*tch”. Women who have a weaker image are preferred.

^ Black Women are associated with being “baby mamas”

Also due to the Black community shying away from contraception and many Western Black Men not valuing the construct of marriage (not that other races of men are perfect in their marriages! they just value the construct and know that it is important to have a wife, especially when wealthy) or seeing it as “Eurocentric”, Black American Women (who are the image of Black Women) have the highest child out of wedlock rate with similar trends in some parts of Europe and the Caribbean (however, the fact that 42% of Black American women don’t have children whatsoever or most African women are married before having children is ignored) and so the single mother image is placed on every Black Woman.

^In the 1960’s Black Men actually told Black Women to stop using contraception because they saw it as genocide but the women responded saying they know Black Men see them as evil but since many of them do not look after the children they make, they need contraception…

Click here to read their full response and it’s quite shocking that this is how Black American women felt in the 60’s! and it’s quite humorous considering their grandsons are probably out here now criticising Black single mothers.

The hatred of women is always rooted in fear but specifically, when it comes to the hatred of single mothers in the manosphere, the hatred is rooted in the fact that unlike in patriarchal societies where if a man marries a woman and has children with her, she’s trapped in that marriage because any alternative would have her seen as damaged goods. However, in the West, the anger comes from knowing that as a man you can have a child with a woman but she still has the choice to seek another man if that relationship is no longer meeting her needs.

^ Ciara experienced misogynoir after marrying quarterback Russell Wilson after having a child with the rapper Future. Russel has fully embraced Future’s son and this has triggered many men because in their mind, she should be “damaged goods” and not with one of the highest-paid athletes.

Recently the worst mass shooting in Britain since 2010 occurred (they are very very rare here) and it involved a 22-year-old Incel who killed 5 people. He hated single mothers and killed his own mother. All misogynistic men hate these things in women and sometimes the face of these things become Black women so it’s no surprise that nine times out of ten, any man who hates women, has a strong hatred for Black Women (I feel as though there is a spiritual element to this considering, we are the original women so we may have a stronger connection to the matriarchal societies of the past and men see that …)

The Public Degradation of Black Women by Black Men.

In my opinion, I think the relationship we have with Black Men in the West is very damaging to our image and the way people interact with Black Women as a whole. I don’t think the way society sees the relationship between Black Men and Black Women is accurate (because I think they believe every Black Man has access to the Black Woman he desires). Other communities also have extreme issues in their homes, but we’re not going to see other races of men set up a camera, sit in a chair and tell the world why he thinks his women are low quality.

Other men don’t see that as normal but I also think there’s a fear that if I disrespect the women in my community, they can and will go elsewhere but this fear does not truly exist in Black Men due to the actions of Black Women (will explore in a future blog post). Not every Black guy is Michael B. Jordan and there are many Black Men who are not content in life. Black Men can engage with other races of women at a higher rate than other races of men but even when in those relationships, Black Women are still on their minds. Many Black Men feel that Black Women (even if out of their league) owe them their love, support and bodies for free. They feel that because of racism and the issues they go through, we as Black Women should not demand anything from them. Statistically, it’s been proven that Black women demand the least from their partners but we are still attacked by them because they resent us so much for even trying to demand what everyone else demands. They want Black Women to accept their failures and ignore it when they don’t measure up to other races of men but this is rarely reciprocated when it comes to Black Women.

The average Black Man does not have access to the kind of Black Woman he wants because no matter their status they all want the top tier Black Woman (unless they can get something from one who isn’t exactly their type) as most value proximity to whiteness (which occurs amongst most oppressed societies), they already view only a few of us as worthy and if these women who are above their league demand something they don’t have, resentment builds. Therefore, when we are publicly degraded by Black Men yet we still openly make it known that they are our preference (which they believe includes any bum), this normalizes our disrespect because clearly, we don’t have that much of an issue with how some Black Men degrade us because in another breath, we’ll say they are “kings”. Even Non-Black Men who surround themselves with Black Men oftentimes think it’s okay to disrespect Black Women because it’s a norm in those spaces so be wary of those kinds of individuals.

Black Women Safeguard Black Culture

When we look at society, I think it’s clear to say Black Culture, specifically Black American culture is the most popular/ emulated culture. Without Black people, I don’t think “pop culture” would exist as many Non-Black artists would have nothing to base their art off of. Statistically, it’s been shown that Black Men have an easier time in multicultural spaces than Black Women. Why do you think that is? Society knows that Black Men are hungrier for validation from Non-Black people than us, to such an extent that some will allow Non-Black people to use the N-Word and appropriate our culture. For the most part, whenever you see someone speaking out against anti-Blackness or cultural appropriation it is a Black Woman and there’s probably a Black Man in the comments saying it’s no big deal. People see this. They see that with a Black Man they can say and do anything and people like “fools” and people they can do anything around. Black Women are quick to say, “no, you can’t say the n-word” or “you look silly with those box braids” and this breeds resentment from Non-Black people.

Also the delivery can be more abrasive than others (probably because people love to dismiss the influence Black people – especially Black Women have…), for example a Japanese girl is unlikely to say “take those chopstick out your hair, you look silly and you’ll never be Japanese!”

Therefore, the hatred we face is not solely race-based as many groups enjoy the presence of Black Men because they know they can say a lot of things with them that they can’t with us. We are trying to safeguard our culture because we know that rock n roll/ disco etc. have been taken from us so we want to keep certain things in-house as other races do but when we express that, we become an enemy socially and people speak negatively of us. A lot of people live a very basic existence if they aren’t co-opting black culture so we as Black Women, we are taking away what makes them feel special and good about themselves.

To Garner Attention/ Clout

Especially on social media, Black Women are oftentimes targeted for clout or attention. I remember a situation in the UK involving a very popular podcast called 3 Shots of Tequila where one of the hosts Keith Dube was exposed for very disgusting comments towards dark-skinned Black Women before finding fame. This individual at the time of the exposure had made a documentary for BBC3 on Black people and mental health and in one part of this documentary he’s interviewing a Black Woman and discussing her mental health issues and it was quite laughable considering the impact such misogynoir can have on the mental health of young black girls. What was most important and groundbreaking to me was the content of his apology after being exposed:

^ As Black Women, we need to understand what he’s saying.

Black Women are so reactive and as a result, we are being targeted and this is statistically proven as we are 84% more likely than white women to be mentioned in abusive/problematic tweets according to the Amnesty Troll Patrol report. I’ve seen a tweet once where the man was pedestaling White Women and he said that he doesn’t find White Women attractive, he just wanted to see Black Women’s reactions. Originally such hateful tweets would get around 10 likes but then a bunch of Black Women, even some verified will react to it, making negative content go viral for the world (young Black girls included) to see. I’ve come to realise that the more you react to misogynoir, the more it grows. A lot of miserable men, who have nothing going for themselves understand that I can tweet/say something about Black Women and I will have 100 Black Women in my mentions.

^ The creator of Black Girl Magic has suggested a sexual element to the behaviour.

I’ve even seen “budding” SoundCloud rappers engage in misogynoir in an attempt to gain traffic to their social media platforms. I think as Black Women we lack the understanding of how powerful our silence is…

Also please stop sharing misogynoir on your social media accounts because all that does is help it damage more Black Women. There’s no need to share it with the mindset of “look what we go through” because no one cares.

If you’re reading this PLEASE PLEASE stop engaging with trolls (Block/Report) because half of the time you’re arguing with someone who has a fake avi and identity. Stop feeding what you don’t want to grow.

A lot of the time we are being trolled for attention by Black men because they need to matter to us. Nowadays BM are not dependable and most can’t command our attention, loyalty, affection by the typical vehicles of manhood. In other societies how it plays out is that the men create a world where the women are so dependent on them that they have no choice but to pay attention to them, to defer to them, listen to them and obey them. Black Men in the west are not in the position to do that so they need to find other ways to command our attention. They do it through our emotions & by crossing boundaries. This is why they bait us online and purposely walk in front of us with Non-Black Women (from Germany to the US to the UK we all relate to this). Why do they want us to look at them if they don’t care about BW? Do they hate us or use hateful behaviour to keep us emotionally invested in them? They need our attention on them so they can turn the power differential back in their favour so we can see them “rejecting us” because if we don’t see them rejecting us then it has no effect. They need us to care. Emotional outbursts are like giving these men sex. Same energy. Don’t give them either.

Black Women Don’t Interact With Non-Black Men the Way Their Women Interact With Black Men

This is a very key reason that I don’t think is understood by many. When you see a Non-Black Man engaging in or making disparaging comments about Black Women beyond just general misogyny (as other races don’t get the same level of hate) or sometimes trying to engender friendship with Black Men, it is because we don’t interact with them the way their women interact with Black Men. Black Men engage with every race of woman (I think society exaggerates the rate due to the celebrities and the fact that they dislike it so much) at varying levels; they are more likely to be with a White/Hispanic Woman than an Asian etc. Woman. Non-Black Men see this and if they didn’t, White and other Men wouldn’t be flying halfway across the world looking for partners of forgoing relationships altogether and creating MGTOW. They would stand their ground and stop the big bad Black Man from forcing their women to date them but we all know deep down that all relationships exist because the woman said it can. It’s her choice. They see that some of their counterparts are altering their body shapes and selling themselves to Black Men (not en masse but enough) but when you look at Black Women (because of our conditioning) you see “Black Men are kings” and “I would rather be single than date outside my race”.

^ I’d be very surprised to see Black girls act this way around White guys.

Back in the day I recall seeing some Non-Black Men refer to Black Women as loyal because they prefer Black Men but post-Kardashian era and as it became harder to access women, this has changed to contempt as they see how it affects their lives. As Black Women, I want you to think about how this makes them feel. I propose to you this idea that there are 2 countries; country A where you (Black people) reside and county B (where “Martians” reside). Most of the women in country B like Black Men and they make their preferences clear and even started altering themselves to look like us but all the men in country B say specifically they will not date Black Women and do not find us attractive. How would you feel towards these men? This country A/B dynamic is similar to how Non-Black – especially White Men feel. Desirable Black Women for the most part (especially in the past) vocalize their preference for Black Men and distaste of others (this needs to stop, of course, “Why I Don’t Pedestalize Black Men or ANY Race Of Man” but stop creating enemies especially when Black Men are doing the opposite).

You can even see in the cultures where the relations between Black Men and other groups of women are higher, the men are more disrespectful to Black Women. Black Women in France even say they face a lot of misogynoir from North African/Arab men because their women fetishize Black Muslim men (and vice versa) but Black Muslim women stick to Black Men. In addition, S*mali Men (who I suggest avoiding by all means) hiding behind fake accounts make up a large portion of extreme trolls targeting Black Women/people online with narratives you would associate with white supremacists because of their extreme inferiority complex and the women being considered attractive (a few 15 year old UK black girls expressing not finding S*mali men attractive is still on the minds of many today). A lot of the time, Misogynoir is a response to people thinking we view them negatively so you can’t internalize it or take it personally. Sometimes BW do not make certain people feel good and oftentimes 1 BW is seen as all and so said people project how some BW have made them feel by attempting to make us all feel that way.

I also think online misogynoir often created by BM is never “cancelled” by others because misogyny means that the resentment many non-Black MOC have against BM (due to envy around their position in the sexual marketplace) is sometimes (not always) pushed upon BW instead and so they sometimes engage with it too as they blame BW for BM stepping on their toes in a sense. Even in Hitler’s book, he speaks about how the Jews made “German women their whores”…

In addition, what I’ve noticed about non-Black Men’s misogynoir is that, with all men’s growing inability to form relationships/ access the women they desire, those that engage in misogynoir sometimes relish in the idea that there’s a group of women (us) who struggle getting the men they want (since this is what BW and those who have an agenda have pushed in the media/online) and so it makes them feel good that it’s not just us who are struggling, there are groups of women who struggle in this space and this is why BW need to be cautious of what they share/publicize. As I stated in “They Don’t Want You to Have Self-Esteem”, these men have hatred for all women but when a woman’s worth is placed in her desirability, it’s always going to be easier to attack Black Women because of the narratives that are pushed/ gender imbalances.

This makes me think of this Tumblr post and my opening ideas that in the real world, everyone does not hate Black Women but bottom barrel individuals hiding behind fake accounts who you’d probably never want to interact with in rl have a large presence online which can skew your mindset (future post on the root of Racism being access to women).

Envy

As Black Women, even though we see the way some people interact with us can be negative in comparison to other races of women, we are still very hyper-visible and influence culture from the way women speak, dress and behave, which can create envy from other races. The way some Non-Black Men are threatened by Black Men is the same way some Non-Black Women are threatened by Black Women because in no way shape or form were we meant to be a threat or any form of competition for what they desire in life (be it beauty, men, education, success, wealth etc). The way some Non-Black Men behave when they see a Black Man taking up space is the way many Non-Black Women are when Black Women are taking up space (*coughs* Gina Rodriguez). Many non-Black Women cannot handle Black Women occupying spaces they thought were only for them as highlighted in this thread.

Furthermore, because of the dynamic that exists between Non-Black Women and Black Men, the jealousy of Black Women is pushed to the side to embolden the idea that we are jealous because some Non-Black Women desire Black Men, even though they desire to take our position. Society also sticks the “racism” label on everything an envious Non-Black Woman does but whenever a Black Woman says something negative about a Non-Black Woman, she is bitter/ jealous. Not every Non-Black Woman is racist, many are just jealous especially when they are raised to see themselves above Black Women. Especially with the growth of the Kylie Jenner/ Kim K outlook where they see Black Men as accessories and a way to be cool, they begin to see Black Women as competition and this breeds jealousy… Jordyn Woods learnt the hard way.

TW:

We’ve Become the Face of Liberalism

Another reason Misogynoir is prevalent socially is because most Black Women (at least those that are the loudest on the mic) have liberal views and we’ve become the face of/ align with many polarising liberal issues whether it be Feminism, LGBT rights, BLM etc.

But also, with religion. Some of us are screaming with a Bible in one hand or excusing Islamic terrorism (I know there are Black Muslims and I respect you all but speaking up for Muslims rarely = speaking up for Black people and it isn’t an alternative to Christianity. It’s all rooted in the same thing and we definitely don’t want Black people being the face of Islam. Religion should be kept private when you live in the West). You do not have to make your opinions on everything public. Sometimes scroll down or change the subject.

Those who oppose such movements oftentimes attack Black Women because there is little variety in the media when it comes to the views of Black Women. Even though I find most of Candace Owens’ views extremely gross, there’s a bit of joy in me that some people will see that being a Black Woman doesn’t mean you think a certain way. When you make yourself a SJW (in turn attracting tragedy into your life due to what many activists vocalise daily e.g. “I can’t breathe!”; see Sasha Johnson – a BLM activist shot by 4 Black Men at a party or see Oluwatoyin Salau – a BLM protestor who was raped and murdered by a Black Man) and make yourself the face of a movement that says they want to “disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure”, people that want to maintain that structure will hate you. When Black Women create the #MeToo movement (which hasn’t dealt directly with the issues BW face) and publicly speak negatively about the male species e.g. “Niggas ain’t shit!”, men will hate you. You have to ask yourself, even though other races face misogyny, discrimination and sexism, why they don’t choose to speak on it as publicly as Black Women do? It’s okay not to comment on everything.

Black Women constantly speak up for groups that rarely speak up for them (non-Black migrants, other POC etc.) and movements that don’t prioritise their issues. Most recently you see this with the Israel-Palestine conflict where Black people are publicly denouncing Israel and advocating for Palestinians. The idea of Black people advocating for Arabs is mind-blowing to me considering these were the first enslavers of Africans and introduced colorism and fgm to the region while making one of the most powerful communities an enemy in favour of a group that doesn’t see Black people as human. This needs to stop. Stop commenting on controversial things and stop aligning with specific groups because there’s no one out here to save you!

Even back in the day with the White Feminist movement, many Black Women joined it thinking it would improve their lives (when’s the last time you heard someone who was not a Black woman speaking about femicide in the community?) when Shirley Chisholm was the 1^st Black female candidate for the presidency, she met resistance from the women’s movement and even revered White feminists like Gloria Steinem chose to back a White Man. You are not the world’s saviour and speaking publicly solely for issues that affect Black Women should be normalised (not that you can’t care, pray for others or share their content but speaking out about anything makes you a target so it should be worthwhile). I’ve said this before that why is the person who is both Black & Female (having the least privileges) so focused on saving the world? Shouldn’t they be helping us?

BW will make demands that they think the white system should honour and then go back to communities where they receive absolutely no respect. When Kendrick brough up Black on Black crime in relation to Trayvon’s murder, he wasn’t trying to be a coon but alluding to the facts that it doesn’t make sense to a lot of people when in some areas you don’t respect yourself/people like you but want it from others.

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote “People always say there are 3 things you don’t talk about: politics, religion and money” because they are triggering topics and so when it comes to very polarising topics, you need to express them delicately. The inability to do this f*cks things up for many BW because its not about just facing misogynoir because why gaf about what people think of you right? but when you have no line of defence, becoming the face of such movements can impede your progression in life.

^ Minda Hart in her book The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table talks about what BW need to know in order to progress in corporate America and highlights that it’s White Men as opposed to White Women who are giving Black Women a chance and looking at this with nuance, part of this is because White Men dominate that space.

When those at the top are usually White, Male and sometimes Conservative, when you publicly align with things they see as an attack, they’re not going to help you up. To me, Black Women make themselves enemy #1 making themselves the face of certain views, especially when they don’t even directly benefit Black Women! An example was when activist hammer thrower Gwen Berry turned away from the American flag while on the podium for the event’s medal ceremony at the Olympics. It was such a problematic image to send out on a global stage. Instead of being a strategic woman and winning the hearts of America so they’d be more open to your cause, she made herself an enemy.

Furthermore, because BW love to share every opinion they have and we are seen as a monolith, there are many groups/demographics who just plainly think the Black Women don’t like them and so it’s human nature not to like what dislikes you. That is the root of a lot of bias and resentment I see mainly from men, where they may be quicker to compliment an average-looking woman from another race if they are known to “like” individuals like him while ignoring a beautiful BW because we a known (based on the voices of some) to dislike who he is. This is why I push for BW to stay silent on most topics and not feel pressured to answer when asked unless it’s positive because being so opinionated has caused a lot of damage.

When looking at each of the factors that contribute to misogynoir in social spaces, as a Black Woman, I hope you gain a greater understanding as I believe with knowledge comes peace. I personally love being a Black Woman and wouldn’t have it any other way. Looking at each factor, I’m sure many of you could change some things if you want to be more liked socially if that matters to you or impacts your trajectory in life, for example, if you are an influencer or working in corporate etc.

As a Black Woman (human beings with something to offer in general) some people will want to ruin your day and not see you flourish because of their own insecurities/ triggers/ failures so it’s important for us to seek happiness and peace with a vengeance.