The manosphere is not a Black thing and was actually created by White Men but as some say, when “the world gets a cough, Black people get the flu”. Especially in the West, our ties are very fragile and because of the economic element of this whole movement where its clear that men who are not able to be successful gravitate to these spaces. Knowing how disenfranchised some Black Men are, we know that this will affect Black Women in some way.
It was a quiet Sunday and I decided to have a little binge on a number of content creators who speak on the Black female experience. I mostly watched some Chrissie videos who I enjoy but she and her viewers made some conclusions as it pertains to BM’s hatred towards BW that made me a bit confused so I thought I’d provide some insight on this hate and what is behind this growing Black Manosphere.
In one video, Chrissie is discussing a Black Man who was stabbed to death by his white girlfriend. She highlights his hatred towards BW by showing some past tweets he made disparaging us. In one he states “white titties are better than black titties” and she notes that the only difference here is color (which is very important and I’m glad she noted that because we have to acknowledge sometimes it’s just a hatred of blackness, not BW’s femininity or personality, etc.) but then she also goes on to say that “black men hate black women because we are ugly to them” or rather they view us as ugly and that’s why they hate us, they wish we were prettier. She said it quite quickly in a lengthy video and I doubt many caught onto it and I can see how an African American/Black European woman can easily think that when Black men constantly put Black women down and uplift other races of women. There was also a different video where Chrissie is talking about the rejection of “the good black man” and BW in the comments are saying “black men find any excuse to hide their disdain of Black women/ colorism by pretending we don’t want them even though the opposite is true”. I just wanted to give my opinion on why Black men especially nowadays are so hateful to a group of women that desire them (Black Men) and they know desire them.
[ I just want to highlight that the manosphere is a place where BM’s choices are blamed on BW i.e., the desire to seek other races because BW are *insert negative stereotype*. The saddest thing about this is that the masses oftentimes assume that a choice like dating outside of your race is a reflection of your counterpart which often harms the self-esteem of this group. If you look properly, you can see that this is a cover-up. An Asian woman’s desire to date a white man is often rooted in an inferiority complex or a desire to be Western but most AW will not disclose this and therefore will cover up with “AM are misogynistic”. That may be true and serve as a confirmation that she made the “right choice” but in no way that was the driver. It’s a very personal thing. Even if I look at myself, my desire not to have a Black partner is largely based on how I view myself and my desire to have a partner that is at the top of the food chain (and my ability to do that may be easier in one pool than another…) as I believe my partner is a reflection of myself and I believe BW’s inability to align with the best has sullied our image but maybe if someone asked me, I may say “BM aren’t marriage-minded”. Again, this isn’t false and may act as a confirmation that my decision is correct but that wasn’t what drove me to make that decision and so these very personal choices truly don’t have much to do with our counterparts so I think it’s very important to understand that as a BW.]
I’ll jump in and say that your average Western Black Man sees Black Women as low and I’ve discussed this extensively in my article. They see us as low and this doesn’t mean they don’t find us attractive or don’t want us to be in their beds. It means that they often times view us through a somewhat whitewashed societal lens, as less than others. As Black people, we grow up together (oftentimes not in the best environments) and then we also grow up internalizing racist imagery/ stereotypes about our tribe where you begin to see your counterparts as less and many POC’s experience this but with Black women we’ve been conditioned to see Black men as a prize through the media etc. Also, we’re just more conscious and see that it’s very difficult to build a strong black community in the West when the few Black men that make it give their wealth to other communities and many just don’t feel comfortable engaging sexually with men from racist / anti-black communities but we have to acknowledge that Black men don’t care about any of that. So they see us as low and this doesn’t mean that they don’t want you as a Black woman but they see you as not on the level of White, Asian, etc. women and he may find you more attractive than that Chinese woman but he will engage with her differently than he does you and so when you look down on someone, you expect that less person to engage with you in a certain way and I drill down into this in my article and believe that this is really the downfall of the western Black couple.
Black women are making certain strides and collectively our self-esteem is getting better to where many of us think we have positive attributes despite the negative noise but the issue is that we’re still seeking men who view us as low as opposed to entertaining those who would feel lucky to have us. The Black man expects us to behave in a certain way towards him because in his eyes we are less and when we don’t it creates many issues. Back in the day, BM (all men) could literally do anything to a BW (women) who didn’t behave how he wanted but this is changing and clearly causing a lot of anger.
For the most part, Black men still desire women that are Black but because they view us through a certain lens, it’s only a small pool of black women (or a section that isn’t the majority) that they are interested in and a small pool that they deem as worthy (Of course there can be some motivation in not desiring BW but pretending to, to ensure BW don’t go elsewhere but I see this as a minority). Some of you are making false conclusions that no Black man wants a Black woman, it’s not that. It’s that they want the cream of the crop when it comes to Black women.
^ We do know most Black Men would desire these women but also know that based on things like their skin tone (colorism*) or waist-to-hip ratio, they are not your “average” Black girl.
Most Black men believe they are entitled to the Black barbie (26-inch waist, curvy, long hair, beautiful skin, good in bed, can cook, usually lighter skinned but she can be darker if she’s almost flawless) so he doesn’t see the average Black woman as worthy even when he is average (we’ve contributed to this). A lot of the time only average non-Black women are worthy because of the lens they view women through and this differs with other communities where an average Asian or Hispanic guy is usually okay being with an average Asian or Latina but again this is because of the behavior of those women (little race loyalty, unlike BW where BM will openly say that we only date them and have little options and so when you think you have access to all, you want the best) where those men have no choice but to take whatever they can get if they want to be partnered (also Western BM already find it difficult to commit so rarely will “settle” if there isn’t money or easy sex involved) but the Black man is usually only looking for the barbie unless he is an opportunist and he can get something from this average Black woman but even then some BM will seek obese White women who are easier prey and have more benefits. Only the Black barbie in his eyes is worthy in this low blackness to have by his side.
Now what happens is that these Black barbies (who make up this smaller pool of Black women that Black men deem worthy) have many things going for them; Black women are some of the most educated women, they’re hustlers and so these women especially with the shift growing amongst us (which I see as a spiritual thing), where, unlike the women who have gone before us, no longer want to be women who demand the least from their men and date down. When this ideal Black woman (who is not the majority) says you need six figures to date her because she’s chasing that bag, she’s got her own money, she’s a sensual woman or she wants a good-looking man with muscles who’s tall (even BW are shamed for wanting good-looking men), whatever that the crop is demanding that the majority of black men don’t have, when Black men see this beautiful Black woman, no matter how beautiful/ successful she is, saying I want a man who has six figures, it creates a pain in their chest. It makes them very upset and I’ve noticed coming across these different spaces that Black men (all men tbh) are extremely insecure and this is probably reflected in the amount of domestic violence in our communities and may contribute to their lack of interest many times to commit to a woman out of fear.
When this cream of the crop Black woman is requesting something they don’t have and probably never will have, even something trivial like height, they use racist stereotypes to degrade us.
^ Hunger Makes Me. By Jess Zimmerman.
This passage reminds me of men in the Black manosphere telling BM to travel to Thailand (Because anything WM do, they’ll want to do. Many BW clearly aren’t aware that some BM look to WM to gauge what is of value or they’d move different…) and Colombia because they see the “average man as rich”. They’re not saying travel because those women “don’t value money but care about your personality”. They don’t care that those women approach them solely because they think they have money (apparently just like Western women) but it’s not an issue because they can meet their demands because of their lower living standards unlike women in the West where their only flaw was demanding what they can’t provide, therefore making them feel inferior.
The reason why Black men are hating on us so hard is because their thinking is “I’m a Black man growing up (while internalizing negative views about myself, my community and my counterpart) dealing with racism where daily life can be a struggle including finding a job, getting home safe etc so in my mind I shouldn’t have to struggle to get a Black woman. The Black woman should already know my struggles and should be there, legs open on the bed ready for me, solely because I’m Black. I shouldn’t even have to court her the way others are courted because she should know what I’ve been through as a Black man”. When this Black man grows up with that internalized racism where he’s definitely not looking for the average Black woman because what will he get from that (coughs in what Harry Belafonte said to Eartha Kitt back in the day) when he can get an average White woman which gives him currency in his eyes (women cannot give currency in this society) but his ideal type doesn’t want him, so resentment grows in him against all of us and the masses ignorantly think that a Black man can have any Black woman he chooses because Black women are race loyal and so what they say about us in their eyes is not bitterness and therefore must be true.
What most don’t understand is that most Black men cannot get the type of Black women they want because they all want the Black barbie or someone who is out of their league and so when their manosphere gods like Kevin Samuels says something like “Black women have the least symmetrical face” with millions of Black men tuning into his content, they love it because when you have something that triggers you there’s such a joy in someone coming and saying “you know this thing that triggers you, it’s nothing. I know it makes you feel bad but it’s nothing” and I’m sure you’ve noticed about human nature where sometimes someone can’t have something and they convince themselves that it wasn’t worth having in the first place so “I can’t afford this Birkin so now all of a sudden it’s tacky”.
Black men have become so hateful towards us (based on my readings it’s always been like this (no surprise since we’ve always lived viewing Blackness as the bottom) but many don’t actually have someone to take this out on today like they did in the past so they run to the internet) because the thinking is “the type of Black Woman I want (which is a small pool as I’ll never want the average because I see blackness as low and I have access to average maria and becky and ming), this Black woman I want who is the cream of the crop is demanding more and I won’t be able to measure up so I love seeing the Black woman’s image denigrated. Even though I was upset that I was curved by this beautiful Black woman it makes me feel so good seeing them degraded”. Millions of Black men tune into such content and it gives them a rush of serotonin because they were hurt when she wanted things, they couldn’t give her but when someone says “come and look, science says BW don’t even have symmetrical faces, they’re not even getting married, etc.” it makes these BM feel good but beyond feeling good, those that still have hope in a return to the past where BW had no standards see such content as a tool to engender a change in our behavior (THEY NEG US).
^ Source: “What Happened To Becky: Was She Replaced By The Passport” (Although I have watched some of her content, I cannot co-sign her channel as I find it low frequency & she doesn’t truly live in a way that would align with her thoughts)
The basis of some of these platforms is to make the Black woman feel as low about herself as possible (read: “They Don’t Want You to Have Self-Esteem”) and so when Kevin Samuels is saying we are scientifically uglier than every other race of woman (but also saying most BM want these women), he’s saying that you as a black woman, yes even the barbies, even though you have those curves and flawless skin, you are still black and you can’t demand certain things that Becky can and so you have to settle and be open to any Black man that comes your way because you are Black and less than any other woman out there so when a Black man comes with his nothing, you better accept that. At its core, the thinking is “you’ve said or aligned with something that triggers me (e.g. wanting men to pay for dates) but who are you to trigger me as a BW and demand/say these things” because most have a level of internalised anti-blackness (this is why I think many black women need to reconsider their place in this community).
I’ve written about how Western Black men use shame, attempts to lower self-esteem, and crossing boundaries to shape our behavior towards them because they’re not like the men in Saudi Arabia or Japan who own everything and have built for their women or use religion to control their women and so the women have no choice but to defer to their men. BM have found a way; lowering our self-esteem to get us to do what they want. Before they would hide behind things you could change such as weight but Black Men watch us and see this hyp*rgamy, soft life, divest talk and so now it’s not your weight, you’re just black which makes you less so you have to be happy with any black man (you never want to engage with men who see you as low because too much is required from women in a relationship for that and other women have used their brains to use whatever they have to differentiate themselves so they can be viewed as a prize by the men they engage with).
The current denigration of Black women is mainly to appease the average Black man not living in his purpose or who has come to terms with the fact that he’ll never be rich so that they feel better about not having access to the type of Black women they want (most BW don’t make themselves accessible to non-BM and many average non-BM are insecure so such content is rarely shut down).
Black men feel entitled to the black women they desire, “who are you to deny me, you wear a weave, who are you to deny me, there’s other women with white skin and long hair” (deep down this is how many subconsciously think and I think you can see it in their behavior).
Some of these conclusions that we are all ugly and unattractive and they find white etc. women prettier aren’t really that accurate because Black men more than any other man of color has alternatives. It’s very easy to smash a White woman. Some African men have even said in Europe that it’s easier to sleep with a White woman than a Black woman so why spend hours focusing on Black women when others are accessible? This would make sense if it was a group like Indian men where they don’t have access to other women and if their women are not meeting their needs they can be angry about it (which they are as all races are experiencing gender wars) but Black men have access. Even if marriage isn’t on most Black men’s minds, a lot of interracial sex is going on. There was even a study that showed, young Black male students have the most hookups while Black female students were more likely to be virgins than White and Hispanic women so who are these Black men sleeping with? They have access. It may not always the best-looking non-Black woman and usually, those that don’t fit their community’s beauty standards and it also does depend on the area but they can always find an overweight White woman and so we can’t act like they have to be with us in any way shape or form (however the other side is not always greener considering the poor success rate – the racism, abuse, and cheating they sit through.
I wish they completely had no interest in us because the channels about how to pick up White women could garner way more attention than videos on why we won’t smile at them and we wouldn’t have men hiding between fake Twitter accounts. There was literally a story about a Black man killing a Black woman for laughing at his advances. These aren’t men who don’t care what you do and have no interest in you so I think you have to be very cautious about your interactions with such men. I think we need to mimic our Asian girls where they rarely talk to, acknowledge or talk about Asian men unless it’s family or a romantic partner (they don’t want to trigger them) so Asian men as a whole feel less entitled to them and wouldn’t sit for three hours talking about that time he was rejected because they show them on a regular basis that they don’t owe them shit. When you debate someone, it makes them feel like their opinion of you matters and we constantly make Black men feel like their opinion actually has an impact on our daily choices so they’ll keep poking the bear. Not acknowledging them is a clear way of saying I don’t give a damn about what you’re saying because I’m focused on men who value me so I really think there should be a new trend amongst us where we stop engaging with men online who aren’t family members, friends or romantic partners.
Also, always remember that amazing men exist and it’s better to focus on placing yourself amongst them instead of wondering what broken men are thinking/saying.
OTN
One thought on “Black Manosphere? Why are Black Men so Hateful if Black Women are Race Loyal?”
Ignoring them is key. If you aren’t romantically involved with a BM they really shouldn’t exist to you even online, especially online. Thanks again for the wisdom. This site is such a gem!