I was motivated to speak on this topic after watching an old episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and Porsha Williams was at a 70’s themed party wearing an afro and I thought to myself, “wow she looks very pretty” so I wanted to write about things pertaining to Black Women and our choices when it comes to hair & beauty.
Disclaimer: I am aware of hair discrimination in many countries around the world, where Black people are treated poorly because they have afro hair. I am aware of working in a corporate environment where an afro is sometimes not seen as professional. I am also aware that natural hair is extremely high maintenance, having 4b/c hair myself. In addition, I feel that some of the conversations on this topic can be very judgmental towards Black Women and I will not (or at least try not to) do that especially since society can be hypercritical of Black Women and girls without looking deeply at the ecosystem in which we reside. This post is not telling Black Women to do anything and it’s just my opinion on what I’ve noticed.
Firstly, starting with natural hair, it struck me that Black Women are the only race of women who can have an afro/ afro textured hair.
When you think about it, this is something that makes us very unique and almost acts as a unique selling point because afro (hair) = Black Woman. When you have something so distinct from other races, I think that should be embraced.
The weaves/wigs industry is worth $10 Billion and many Black Women will spend so much money on very expensive hair/ wigs (which gives money to other communities) instead of investing that in a good shampoo/ conditioner etc. Even in a spiritual sense, I don’t think your natural hair should be completely neglected or you should wear human hair from another human being at all times. What’s even worse in my eyes is putting a texture that is completely foreign into your hair.
I’m aware that most of us don’t have the time to do our hair every morning so sometimes clip ins/ wigs are needed but it would be logical to go for one that mimics your hair texture. Sometimes you have to look at things as an outsider because when you’re only surrounded by your community, we all do similar things so it’s hard to look at those things critically.
^ A teenage Shakira and a more recent photo of her
For example, when I see an Asian Woman with blonde hair and blue contacts, Indian Women who have bleached their skin and wear contacts or a Mestizo Latino Woman with blond hair and blue eyes (of course a few times it can look okay, the way some Black Women look pretty with a blond weave or contacts), I often think to myself that they are missing out on the beautiful archetypal look that is found in their communities (of course when it comes to WOC, living in a society where the media has prioritised white beauty for many decades has influenced their beauty choices). An archetypal look to me is the ideal image of a woman when it is not influenced by white supremacy and colorism.
^@ruttu__ruttu
For example, if you look at Ruiko Yoshida’s photography in “Black is Beautiful”, Black characters in foreign textbooks or drawings of Black Women by foreign artists, they don’t usually have wigs on and they often have an afro, afro-textured hair or curly hair. When I see WOC go against their distinctive look, I think how unfortunate to waste that beauty trying to look like something else, which you will never be able to pull off as good as the women who naturally have that look.
No one can do Black better than a Black woman.
No one can do White better than a White woman.
No one can do Asian better than an Asian woman.
Blackfishing is a term coined to describe the emergence of non-Black Women emulating the Black female aesthetic (darkening their skin, changing their hair texture, getting body surgery, lip surgery etc.). I don’t like bringing light to the topic because I don’t think it’s a good look when Black Women point it out because the masses see some hypocrisy due to some Black Women adopting a non-Black aesthetic and I believe those women want to look half black (emphasis on the Black and many don’t want to admit this as it challenges the status quo). The one-drop rule needs to be rejected on every level as it is in other communities but because it is sometimes embraced, Blackfishing actually has black women missing out on modelling/ acting jobs etc.
^ The beautiful @melissaghysels who is half Congolese, in my eyes has the quintessential mixed look that I believe many non-Black women are trying to emulate.
Part of the reason (obviously not the only reason) I believe blackfishing is so prevalent is because we’ve made ourselves easy to emulate because when we wear foreign hair that is straight and alter it in a way that is unique to Black Women i.e. gelling down our baby hairs (which was originally seen as unattractive in other communities and they would shave off their baby hairs), other races already have such a hair texture and so it’s easy for them to think, I can just do what they do, wear some bamboo hoops, get some dark foundation and call it 90’s style and people will say to that girl, “are you mixed, you’re so pretty?” and that’s what they want. If we look back at the 60’s, blackfishing would have been very difficult (even though some tried even back then) because it would have been easier to distinguish one race from another.
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Another aspect of embracing your own looks is empowering those that look like you. We know that Black Women have an issue with uplifting other races of beauty (White, Asian, Hispanic, Mixed etc.) above their own. Part of this is due to internalising narratives from the racist/ colorist societies we reside in and another part is being comfortable at times (due to our conditioning) being on the sidelines while another shines. Also, we’re just less strategic and “moral in an immoral world” where if we see beauty, we have to call it out whether she’s Mexican or Korean but others actively choose not to highlight/acknowledge Black Beauty as many benefit from the status quo. It’s very important to highlight and praise women that look like you as opposed to gassing up other races who oftentimes look down on us.
A great video touching on this topic as it pertains to hair: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTW3r8OZqwE
Even when we talk about desirability, starting with non-Black Men, I always say that no matter what he is telling you, if a non-Black Man approaches you as a Black Woman, there is a part of him that specifically likes Black Women (especially if this is a non-Black Man of color). You’re not going to have a Mexican, Korean, Iranian w/e man approach you and think that he just thinks you’re pretty. There’s a good chance that he has an interest in Black Women specifically and Black beauty. These men oftentimes want a Black Woman with an archetypal look. This is why here in the UK, many have noticed that when you see a White Man with a Black Woman, she usually has natural hair and I believe that part of this is because their partners want a more authentic look. Sometimes we have advice from level up “gurus” that a Black Woman must wear a wig to get a high-quality man and that may work if you’re looking for a sugar daddy who just wants to take you to nice restaurants but I think most of us are looking for lifelong partners. I think this should be corrected to, you need to look well-kept and feminine.
Even worse, sometimes I see Black girls and they are interested in a specific culture, e.g., Korean culture which is quite popular amongst Gen Z and so these women begin to watch a lot of Korean content and decide to adopt Korean makeup (where they try to make their eyes a certain shape and reduce the size of their lips) or start to wear straight wigs because that’s the hairstyle Korean girls wear. As I said, any non-Black man who approaches you likes Black women specifically, no matter what he says (future in-depth blog post on dynamics in IR dating) and so it would be best to maintain the archetypal Black look to the best of your ability as it probably suits you and your features.
Don’t think that a man’s counterpart looks a certain way so you should also look that way. No one wants a Black Woman cosplaying their race of women because they’d just date their own race if that’s what they wanted. Biases aside, Why would a White man want a Black Woman who looks White? Why would an Asian man want a Black Woman who looks Asian? P.s. I don’t suggest using race-specific sites or communities (they attract weirdos), just don’t be quick to reject a preference when that individual has not been raised/socialised to find you attractive (will explore further in a future post).
Now let’s talk about Black Men and I think this is where there’s a lot of confusion. In my opinion, Black Men do not care about “Blackness”, the way Black Women do. There are few Black Men who walk around thinking “I’m looking for a Black Woman because I care about the black family and our lineage”. They are more concerned about the visuals and that’s why there are all these accounts ran by Black Men of Black Women naked and oiled up. I remember coming across a live YouTube video where Black Men were complaining about women and they were saying that they find Black Women the most visually appealing but it’s our personality and blah blah blah that’s the issue. I will say that with some Black Men and other MOC when it comes to their own women colorism/ features does play a part in what they find attractive. I’ve heard Black Women say that they get more attention from Black Men when they have straight hair. What I say is that you can’t do that look better than other races of women if you don’t have it naturally and it’s better to look your best and be an archetypal Black Woman so you can attract men who actually find Black Women attractive, which makes your job easier in the long run.
^ Pictured: @angelasummernamubiru @iamhamamat
Such women seem to be revered by ALL and I see men saying on their youtube content, “This is a real Black Woman” and talking down on western BW’s weave, makeup and nails. Now, of course, that’s not our focus and I’m sure some of the attention is rooted in the fetishization of women from the global south but it’s better to embrace your own beauty instead of trying to emulate others. It’s just more attractive.
^ I’m sure many of you are aware of Black Women who are popular online because they have/present a luxurious life on Instagram. Some of these women wear very heavy makeup, straight weaves, contacts and have harsh surgery. These women hang around other races of women, probably due to the luxury environments they occupy and they slowly begin to morph themselves into the Russian gold digger type of White Woman where she’s very artificial and materialistic and they don’t seem to have a steady partner. When a White Man/ Non-Black Man pursues a Black Woman, I feel like the last thing he wants is for her to become like a White Woman. Stay true to the Black female archetype as much as you can – by your look or by stereotypical traits (being loyal/supportive and not as materialistic – at least presenting that image). Don’t try to be the Russian Instagram girl (reject whatever you think white womanhood is because a lot of the time it’s not appealing to men who pursue BW ).
^ Maintaining a more authentic look is not just about having an afro because you may not be able to do that based on your job, where you live or you’re still in the growth phase, but there’s other ways you can maintain a Black aesthetic.
^ Unless you are Nicki Minaj or cosplaying, I personally don’t think a platinum blonde, bone straight wig on a dark-skinned girl is appealing. I’ve seen some Black Women with blonde hair that has been colored correctly to match their skin tone and it looks good but regularly I think a more natural texture/ color should be utilised.
When someone changes themselves so much to resemble something we know they aren’t, most people find it really unattractive and weird. Black girls with bright blonde wigs, blue contacts or Asian makeup look weird and people do not see them as attractive.
Another aspect I want to bring up is makeup.
^ Makeup is meant to enhance what you have, not change it and on Black Women (esp Dark skinned), I believe we look best with natural/ soft makeup when it comes to an everyday look.
^ (Talani Rabb and Anansa)
Video vixens in the 90’s/the early 2000s to me had a very beautiful natural look. Back then, society wasn’t so obsessed with fake body parts (there’s nothing wrong with surgery IMO if something is affecting your self-esteem but I’m not for unnecessary procedures for the male gaze which only makes you attractive to a small pool of men), big wigs and drag makeup which I think makes women look very masculine. Everyone seems to be trying to do the artificial Instagram look and in a world where everyone is doing one thing, if you can be more authentic, you’ll stand out. This doesn’t mean letting yourself go but it means just having a more natural/soft look. This doesn’t mean you can’t try out crazy hair colors or wear a bold red/pink lip (of course not) but on a daily basis, less is more.
Many high fashion models (e.g. @lylie_moreira or @angelagarten,) also have a beautiful natural look.
^ I also think hair and makeup should balance each other out. For example, @elindasan in the photo above has a long weave but it mimics a more natural texture and her makeup uses earth tones so she looks put together. If the makeup is very heavy, maybe wear your natural hair/ a natural texture. If you’re wearing a weave, colored hair or contacts, adopt natural-looking makeup. Especially with many men trying to be women nowadays, less is more.
Don’t try to emulate other races and embrace what makes you unique.
For anyone who has young Black girls around them, has daughters or is planning to have them, I recommend watching this video.
OTN
2 thoughts on “Embrace What Makes Black Women Unique | Beauty & Aesthetics”
I love this post, its really encouraging. I always return to it when I don’t feel as good. It has also helped me to see more value in adopting a black aesthetic, im currently rocking box braids.
Thank you for reading x