Guest Post: Energy Vampires and Misogynoir

Many black women wonder why we are subject to unprovoked attacks and antagonistic behaviour which can damage the ego and cause insecurity. There are many causes but the main one is a desire to court black female attention. Some black women undervalue themselves and thus do not realise how valuable our attention is. Ask yourself this though: if we are so unworthy why do we receive so much attention?

Black women are subject to a lot of envy as we are idolised in pop culture more so than any other group of non-White women. This means the masses are perfectly aware of our beauty, talents and merits. Anyone who is beautiful, talented or intelligent but inaccessible by the masses represents something almost divine in the collective consciousness. People target us because they want to bring us off that pedestal and make us feel inferior to them. This is because they feel we are above them due to this subliminal programming.

“The weak always ban together to pull down the strong.” – Samson and Delilah (1949)

We’ve all heard of men who will pursue a girl and then suddenly claim she is ugly, a bitch, and so on upon rejection. His ego is bruised and so he wants to attack her self image in order to feel better.

This behaviour is known as “energy vampirism” which is a spiritual practice where someone provokes or courts the attention of another to fuel their own ego. It is very harmful and so I think it is essential we as black ladies know how to defend ourselves from such attacks.

Reframing

This is a technique in which you reframe any experience in a beneficial way. Someone states they do not find black women attractive and proceeds to insult us. Now ask yourself: what kind of man has the time to sit online waxing lyrical about women he claims to not even like? Is this the kind of man we want pursuing black women? The answers are obvious. Before reacting to something ask yourself if it warrants your outrage or what the intention of the provocateur is. This will make it a lot easier to resist attacks from such energy vampires.

Benevolent narcissism

A tactic in which you remove an individual from any pedestal you had them on and prioritise yourself instead. If someone is directing negativity towards you or black women in general dismiss them. Affirm in your mind your status as being above this individual. This is quite challenging to do and is also quite negative but there are times when adopting the behaviour of narcissists is helpful.

Energy Vampirism

Yes, I know I spent the first half of this article criticising the practice of energy vampirism but hear me out. The world is more than physical matter. Attention and energy are valuable resources. There is a concept in marketing known as the attention economy which describes attention as a scarce resource that one must compete for. This is a truer representation of our world than most know. If someone chooses to direct negative attention towards you transmute that into positive fuel for your ego. Think: this person is so bothered by me that they choose to use their time (the most precious resource at their disposal) discussing me.

As a black woman there are a lot of negative things you can transmute and use to your advantage. Embracing some of those stigmas strategically (for instance: embracing your sensuality, being blunt with men about your intentions, etc.) can be of great benefit.

Stoicism

Accepting that some people wont like you is important for your sanity. It is perfectly normal to be upset when provoked but we do not dwell in such feelings. We accept them, understand them and release them. Develop a sense of inner calm. Whilst you may still have some of those feelings you will manage them better. There are many stoic writers who discuss the importance of restraint and acceptance of what we cannot control. It also has a place in many world religions from Christianity to Buddhism.

Naturally energy vampirism is rife in a world that covets attention. Black women are often prime targets since many of us are naïve to the tactic. Energy vampirism, despite its negative aspects, can do wonders for your life when utilised correctly. The Kardashians built a billion dollar empire by capturing the attention of the masses with provocative antics. Donald Trump used negative energy to win a presidential election in the most powerful country on earth. Be wise, use discernment and always think before you give someone your energy.

–K