I was inspired to write this blog post because of an Instagram video I saw by the UK based cultural commentator Zeze Millz. In the video, she is questioning why the producers of Love Island don’t send men into the villas that find Black Women attractive? (because they clearly exist).
Before discussing the topic at hand, I would like to put a disclaimer that we are obviously not talking about every single Black Woman that has touched the villa but we do see some patterns in terms of being picked last especially during the 1st episode. Although I am UK based, I am sure that viewers from the US, Australia and South Africa will be interested in my conclusion.
For those that do not know, Love Island is a dating show where a group of men and women move into a villa and are required to couple up. People pick who they want to couple up with and then someone ends up being picked last. Each week, newbies enter the house where they have the chance to recouple and whoever isn’t chosen is kicked out of the villa. I am not watching the current season (season 7) but I have watched the last two UK seasons (season 5/6) and have looked up some of the previous seasons.
Desirability is a very interesting topic to me because I do not believe that most people look at it objectively or with nuance. I will have several upcoming posts going into depth about the relationship between desirability and Black Women but I have chosen to discuss Love Island as it is topical right now.
For a long time, there have been many articles and blog posts about the experiences of Black Women on Love Island and other dating shows. Some have said that Black Women should not go on dating shows and Black girls have debated whether it is only a certain type of Black girl who enters the villa. What is even more problematic is that we have White and non-Black Women writing articles about the plight of dating as a Black Woman and racism in dating.
^ A recent article in Cosmopolitan written by a woman from Uzbekistan.
Now I am no conspiracy theorist but I think we should be cautious about others speaking on our experiences as some people have an agenda and I am very aware that no demographic of people on this planet benefits from Black Women thinking highly about themselves.
As Black Women (mono-racial to be exact) we have some of the worst imagery in media. I view it as very stereotypical and if not that then we are invisible. To some degree, we are hypervisible as there are many beautiful musicians and actresses in the media but you will see that most of these women are biracial or lighter-skinned. Sometimes I will find myself scrolling through Instagram and I’ll see the most beautiful mono-racial Black Woman and think to myself that we’d rarely see a girl like her on TV or on the cover of a magazine because she’s just too beautiful and we do not control our media image. When Love Island was introduced to me, I was excited because I thought the masses were finally going to see some Black beauties on their TV screens and this would be positive for Black Women to see, especially them interacting with men in a fun and flirtatious way but I thought wrong.
Of course, there were many mixed and lighter-skinned women (still few in comparison to White Women) who appeared on the show and had a lot of success.
^Biracial Amber Gill won Season 5 of Love Island UK.
Girls like Amber Gill and Jourdan Riane were seen as very desirable. However, when it came to the darker mono-racial women (not always though), they oftentimes found themselves in the bottom, only to be paired up later on in the season or kicked off the show – Samira in S4, Yewande in S5, Leanne in S6 and Kaz in S7 & of course they all faced a great deal of misogynoir, being Black Women on TV.
Let’s get into the question at hand. When we talk about desirability for Black Women on a show like Love Island, we are talking about 2 groups:
- Black and mixed-race men (as the world oftentimes views mixed-race men as Black)
- Non-Black men – usually White men (what I talk about is found in all nonblack groups; Latino, Asian w/e)
Just a warning to those easily triggered by discussions about race, that I speak very bluntly. What I want Black Women to understand is that some men will never want to date you, regardless of your lips, waist size, personality, cooking skills etc. Since desirability is based on how many men want to date you, you can see how harmful narratives surrounding Black Women can come about.
Starting with Black men (as this is where the questioning of Black Women’s desirability begins). On Love Island, they love mixed-race men LOL. There will be a set-up like; 2 mixed guys and 2 black guys or 3 mixed guys and 1 black guy, with the others being White Men. I am sure we are aware that there already exists a narrative that Black Men do not desire Black Women (in relation to other races apparent preference of their race). That is actually what the world thinks and I am not here to debate that but I think such narratives also show that people do not look at things with nuance. I do not believe in Black Women prioritising one race of man but I remember a viral tweet once that a Black Woman made where she responded to a tweet. The tweet was mocking a very famous Egyptian footballer and his humble looking hijab-wearing wife, comparing them to Anthony Martial, a Guadeloupean footballer and his apparent more attractive white girlfriend. Responding to the tweet she comments “at least he likes his women” but by reading some of the responses it was apparent that the Egyptian footballer in question has been seen outside hotels with women outside of his race but because he chooses to publicly present a wife from his hometown (some don’t have a choice), certain narratives are born. I have always felt that society looks at things too plainly and without nuance which can be harmful to Black Women. The same thing I believe happens on Love Island.
Black Men are more fetishized than any other man of colour and on Love Island, they enter an environment where the only thing they have to bring to the table is skin tone. Remember that the cast of Love Island consists of everyday people; plumbers and police officers and so your everyday Black guy signs up to these shows knowing that the currency he has is his skin, not being an athlete or a rapper. A perfect example of this was Ched from S6.
^ S6 Couple Jess Gale and Ched Uzor
Ched was not very eloquent or smart but because he was Black and muscular, a White Woman wouldn’t care if he doesn’t speak well because he is fulfilling her fantasies just by being Black. Jess in this case was still all over him and in the UK, I am sure many of you are aware of the archetype of a Black Man who uses White Women for a place to sleep at night, having to bring nothing to the table but Blackness. In such settings, Black Men benefit because of the stereotypes surrounding them and they take advantage of that. When you are an everyday guy (or sometimes new money), you want what society regards as a status symbol and in addition on dating shows or online dating apps, Black Men are oftentimes looking solely for sex and wherever they can access that the quickest is where they will be.
In the UK version of the show, most of the men are White and so we get several interesting think pieces when Black Women don’t do good on the show, suggesting that White Men do not find Black Women attractive, they do not grow up in diverse areas or they don’t like certain features. This was very interesting to me because most Black Women do not show White Men much attention (I can picture the millions of times I have seen a White Man look a Black Woman’s way and she gives him a dirty look) but it appeared to me that in regards to Love Island, they wanted these men to give the Black contestants attention. There’s something strange about being so “Black dick only” and then going in multicultural spaces and expecting those men to give you attention …
Let’s acknowledge that as Black Women, to our detriment, we have been the Black Man’s biggest cheerleader and they of course were not dumb enough to return the energy. Black Women love to tell the world that they only like Black Men and then go on these shows and expect White Men to be fawning over them. Tied to this is how White and non-Black Men see themselves in comparison to Black Men. Let’s remember that these shows have regular guys (not the type of White Men who would never consider Black Men competition) but regular White guys. We live in a society where non- Black Men are very triggered by the idea of their women dating Black Men.
^ S6 Connor Durham was exposed for calling his ex-girlfriend, “rank, a slut and a slag” for dating black men while finding time to romance the mixed-race Sophie Piper.
Some groups like Latinas are very open about this energy and I remember a viral tweet by a Latina saying “the first thing a Mexican guy asks you on a date is have you dated a Black guy before?”. Not all of these men are racist. They have Black friends, worship Black athletes but it is rooted in insecurity, so when these same insecure non-Black men sign up to a dating show and they are not responsive to the Black Girl, the only thing societies got for me is “they don’t find Black Women attractive”. I’m not buying that. Maybe they don’t feel confident dating the Black Man’s biggest cheerleader. Some Black Women need to understand that you could be a human Black Barbie entering the villa and some of those men would never see you as an option because they don’t feel confident enough to do so and that’s why we still have women who wear wigs like hats with white billionaires because those men have few insecurities in this area. The problem is that the masses don’t understand that there are so many things that influence why someone wants to date another person that goes beyond her looks and personality.
I suggest that if you are a Black Woman lacking knowledge then you should be very careful when watching these kinds of shows because it will have you internalising narratives that aren’t true or that don’t look at the bigger picture. I will have many blog posts in the future discussing the bigger picture.
I want to end on a note that was brought to me by a girl who was watching Love Island USA and said that Black Women cling to the label of undesirability.
^ Love Island USA’s (S3) Trina Njoroge appears to be doing well on the show.
I was told that there is a Black girl on the show who was chosen 1st by a White Man over the other races of women (she did not seem that interested but she was chosen nonetheless) but when the Black Men 1st came on, no one wanted them even though in society we would regard Black Men as desirable and Black Women as not. I believe that some of the things Black Women face or encounter in dating, they sometimes believe that it is only them facing it. I truly believe that some Black Women do not think Indian, German or Chinese etc. women compete in dating or get rejected or not chosen. What I’m trying to explain in this post is not that every Black Woman struggles in dating but to explain to you that due to factors such as who our counterparts are and the desire to seek status through women, that some men will never want to be with you, regardless of how you look, so your dating pool has to include certain types of men.
Another aspect of this is the fact that most Black Women, due to conditioning and the media usually want a specific type of man- tall, black, educated, muscular etc. and so when the few men who fit that archetype perfectly are maybe with a different race or are entertaining women that don’t look like them, they start to sing the undesirable tune. They don’t understand that there’s an Asian woman out there who at one point wanted an Asian man who maybe looked like the Korean actor Gong Yoo but due to her skin, weight or features decided to look elsewhere and because she does not protest about not fitting certain beauty standards and not being desired by a certain type of man, they can hold onto the label of being desirable women. I personally think if Black Women stopped shouting about and bringing attention to who doesn’t find them attractive (off code behaviour) or attributing the desire of a dark-skinned monoracial Black Woman in the media to featurism or any other excuse they can find and just entertained who likes them (of course while meeting their non-negotiables), we wouldn’t have as many negative narratives surrounding us and dating.
We all know that what you think and believe becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy so while educating yourselves, please give more attention to the positive than the negative.
OTN
One thought on “Why Most Black Women End Up Being Picked Last on Love Island”
It has been known for a while that all reality TV is scripted and directed. To me, a show like this being apparently made in such a way speaks to some sort of agenda of the writers and producers behind the scenes, much more than it would to real people’s preferences and feelings.